Single

Single

Daily Intention
Is there something you’ve done recently that made you feel a sense of shame, guilt, or inadequacy? Are
there times in your life when you felt you were the only one who has messed up? Reflect on how viewing
things through the lens of common humanity might change how you feel about yourself.

I spent so many years prior to meeting Jim just wanting to feel loved ... my relationship with my father was special until he met his wife that didn't want kids, then I was in the way. My mother wanted her "Wright Family" and vacations were taken when I was away. I was always the friend, but never the best... I was a temporary girlfriend, but never "the one". I never felt special to anyone until the day I met Jim and everything in my life changed immediately. He always made me feel special, and I hope I made him feel the same way. I loved being his wife. I loved that I fit by his side, he loved that I held his arm when we walked. I'm not saying my kids don't make me feel loved, they do - but I miss Jim more than I can express. Even during his illness, while he could he told me he loved me over and over, it was obvious that it was something he wanted to make sure I knew. As time progressed, he'd give me hugs and as that slipped away I could tell he'd light up and settle when I was near. Right before he passed, he looked me in the eye and stroked my cheek .. just once. I could tell he knew it was me and it was the last "connection" we had. I told him repeatedly that I loved him and I always will. I never realized how much Id miss even taking care of him, just knowing he was here with me. There were times, I must admit, I just wanted it all to be over. In reality, I simply miss him.

Now here I am back to being considered "unmarried/single" the state I always hated and Jim saved me from is back. In my mind I will forever be married to the man of my dreams, it seems unfair that society strips me of my most cherished title of Jim's wife.